Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
