I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
