Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
