Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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