gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
