Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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