What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
