drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
