The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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