dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
