dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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