I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
