fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
