What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
