if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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