Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
