the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
