im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
