I can text with my tongue
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
