The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
