Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
