Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
