If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
