That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
