we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
