my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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