I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
