i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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