I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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