i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
