just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
