I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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