If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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