Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
