I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
