I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
