Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
