so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
only if we run a train.
done.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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