I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
