love makes seman taste better
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
