i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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