I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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