i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
