i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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