the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
