Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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