apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
