lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
