Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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