I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
