I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
