if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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