remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
